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  • mbepep

    Why am I having difficulty finding more than a platonic relationship in China?


     Long time reader of the website, but rarely post. Hopefully, someone can lend some advice.

     Recently, I've been having a lot of relationship difficulty and I don't know the reason.


    First, I think it's worth mentioning that back in America I never had more than the average amount of difficulty when dealing with women, and that in America many women also found me to be above average in appearance and substance.


    Since arriving in China I've noticed, and as a expected, women are very attracted to my appearance and nationality. However, I haven't had much luck moving past a platonic relationship for more than the short term with any woman here.


    Furthermore, I don't wish to pursue marriage or a long-term relationship, because my future plans don't necessarily dictate that I stay in my present location for much longer than a year. I am not looking for a relationship, but I also don't like being alone. I want a companion but creating a long commitment is too difficult for me in my current situation.


    To put this bluntly, I want someone to go home with at the end of the night without having very many strings attached, if you catch my drift.


    Recently, I went on two dates with a woman. The first date we just exchanged your normal back and forth banter about our life's over a couple drinks, no kissing/hugs/ or going back to my apartment. The second date we went out to dinner and a movie. During the movie I reached for her hand, which is something that seems appropriate given the situation. However to my surprise she quickly pushed my hand away. After the movie she quickly left and took a taxi to go home. I messaged her later asking, "what's the matter?" and she replyed, "In China girls only do that if it is her boyfriend." ...  she also seemed to be convinced, after informed her I am not looking for a long term relationship, that, "All women in China only want a guy they can stay with for forever."


    Being rejected for a hand hold has never happened in my entire life of dating, I am usually very aware of what will work and what won't, but this.... this is really driving me crazy and it's not the first time this sort of thing has happened to me in China with women.


    Are most Chinese women really this prude? The girl was 25 years old. The reason I didn't suggest this to be pure anomaly is because similar instances of rejections have happened to me more than once since I've been in China. This is extremely embarrassing, and a huge hit to my self esteem. 


    I could say a lot more, but I've already said too much. I am happily awaiting any input the community can provide. Thanks for reading.


    TL:DR Why do Chinese women find me extremely attractive, but only want to sleep with me If we are in a relationship or are going to get married?

    2 years agoin Relationships-Hangzhou
    Answers(1) Comments(0)
  • shodikulov

    So - you want Chinese girls to be less Chinese.

    And the Chinese girls want you to be less foreign.

    I think the reason they are after a relationship or marriage after sex is a thing called 'standards'. Perhaps you've never heard of the word? Or, you simply don't care what hole you put it in - as long as it doesn't talk too much, or can actually think for themselves??

    No, I'm not against ONSs, nor against casual sex with those who are also after the same - but you clearly are not playing with those types of girls. You know the general mindset of Chinese girls, and either you lie about your intentions (by not being explicit), or you deliberately avoid the conversation until after you've got your jollies. Given that you know what most Chinese girls are actually like, and yet are still acting in such a way, says a lot about you as a person (ie, one that doesn't give a shit about the girls your fking).

    As has been suggested - there are apps for that sort of thing. I'd suggest you use them to get what you're looking for, rather than breaking hearts because you don't have the balls to get rejected - or to keep it in your pants!

    2 years ago

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